Healing the Deep Wound of the Feminine
Embracing our Feminine Potential
Women have a quest at this time to fully embrace their Feminine nature and potential, and to heal the deep wound of the Feminine – this is the path of the Heroine. Deep within the inevitable descent to the underworld on this journey, we meet the dark Feminine, to heal the deep Feminine Wound. The Heroine’s journey, is an archetypal process of the integration of the Masculine skills we have learnt through our journey as we previously tried to seek success in a male-orientated work world, that cycles back to meet with the redefinition and validation of the Feminine values within ourselves.
Recently, my awareness illuminated that I have been a ‘Fathers Daughter’. A term coined by Maureen Murdoch who has supported thousands of clients with the Heroine’s quest who describes a Father’s Daughter as ‘a woman who has identified primarily with the father, often rejecting the mother, and who has sought attention and approval from the father and masculine values’.
For 7 months I have been completing a Womb Awakening Apprenticeship by the Fountain of Life and it is within this transformative and deeply healing work, that I have become face to face with the deep wound of the Feminine within myself. This past menstruation cycle, my Womb has taken me on a journey of reflection, of moving into the deepest parts of my being, to look at every part of my life to date and how I have identified with myself with Patriarchal values within the world – to be honest as I started to be taken on this deep inner journey, I did a silent 'you're kidding me, a life review at 26 years old really? look up at the sky'... what the hell have I signed up for this life I thought laughing because Holy Shakti – it was a lot to feel, and journey with.
See since I was a little girl, I have always been eager to get things done quick, to fast track, to move through, push through, and do as much as I can. Speaking about this with my parents recently, they shared how I shot out of my mum’s womb in rocket speed, and well that's been the pace of the rest of my life from there…
I thought I had ‘made it’ in the world, feeling satisfied in so many ways as I pursued a career that in so many ways was lighting me up, but my body began to tell me a different story this year. I also thought I had found my purpose in this world, and that I had a deep understanding of who I was but the past 12 months and this spiral of healing the wound of the Feminine, is causing me to see all of this with a new set of eyes. I am seeing myself with an entirely new set of eyes…
My striving for success, recognition and validation was set on pleasing my internalised Father. I learned how to be successful according to a Masculine model which left my body feeling burnt out, disconnected and with a sense of emptiness always looking for the next thing to ‘do’.
But, I can no longer play by these patriarchal rules anymore. Do you want to know what I define as a life well lived? How much I lived with an open heart moment to moment… whether I was courageous enough to listen to my hearts intuitive pull of where I was to go, be and do… and to have shared my open heart, beauty and light with as many people as I could in the smallest of moments during my day with a sense of presence.
How much are you listening to your hearts intuitive pull and opening wide right now in your life? To open wide, where we have closed before, can be a difficult task at times.
Though I have done years of deep healing, this spiral of healing of healing the deep wound of the Feminine I have come to realise is completely different than anything I’ve ever experienced before. In my experience, the healing of the deep Feminine wound, is a call for our body to heal, which we can not think our way into or out of what is being brought up for healing. There’s no mental strategy we can apply. It is not a quick fix, it is not something we can dismiss, we can not run away from it and our only choice is to move into it and feel our way through it.
Descending to the Underworld
I am making my descent to the underworld of the deep Feminine. Maureen Murdoch so articulately describes this as ‘involving a seemingly endless period of wandering, grief and rage, of dethroning kings, of looking for the lost pieces of herself and meeting the dark Feminine. It may take weeks, months or years, and for many it may involve a time of voluntary isolation – a period of darkness and silence and of learning the art of deeply listening once again to self: of being instead of doing. The outer world may see this as a depression and a period of stasis. Family, friends and work associates improre our heroine to ‘get on with it’.
Maureen speaks about how the descent cannot be hurried because it is a Sacred journey, one of not only reclaiming the lost parts of oneself, but also of rediscovering the lost Soul of the culture – reclaiming the Goddess or Divine Feminine. It’s been comforting to hear Maureen describe this part of her own journey, she says…
“This is unchartered territory. It’s dark, moist, bloody and lonely. I see no allies, no comfort, no signs out. I feel scraped, open and raw. I look for the disembered parts of myself – something recognisable – but there are only fragments and I don’t know how to put them together. This is unlike any struggle ive had before. It’s not the conquest of the other, its coming face to face with myself. I walk naked looking for the Mother. Looking to reclaim the parts of myself that have not seen the light of day. They must be here in the darkness. They wait for me to find them because they no longer trust. I have disowned them before. they are my treasured but I have to dig for them. This journey is not about some fairy Godmother showing me the way out. I dig… for patience, for the courage to endure the dark, for the perseverance not to rise to the light prematurely, cutting short my meeting with the Mother”.
I haven’t been giving myself permission to fall apart and be unravelled by this experience. I have remained caught up in the thinking I need to always have it together, to fit idealistic constructs of what living here on this planet is, some of which don't fit my ideals at all.
Our healing journey, purpose, the way we live our life, how we choose to be in conscious relationship, raise a family, and operate day to day is different for each and every one of us. Yet there is such a restricting often unspoken set of norms around what is and isn’t the norm with all of this, what is right and wrong, good and bad. When we give ourselves the permission to not be a part of that – to instead follow the silent pull of where our heart is willing to take us, then we are truly free - for me this is freedom and this is what I am trying to remember and integrate .
This spiral of healing is teaching me…
I will receive little recognition and less applause from the outer world for taking this inner journey as the questions this journey asks me to make around life values, makes those who are committed to the quest of outer trappings of success uncomfortable.
That it is important to give myself permission to fall apart, rather than avoid feeling what is here and trying to always pull myself always together, or emerge into the light when the Mother wants to take me on this great descent.
I remind myself I wont always meet deadlines or goals I set, and that everything will always happen within the Divine time and to see this is all more lightheartedly.
I remind myself that I can trust my body to lead, to trust the Mother’s process she is taking me on within this descent and that Spiritual assistance will always be provided.
I remind myself that I am enough and worthy of love, even when I feel 'fragile and my weakest’ and to find comfort, joy and rituals to celebrate these inner rhythms along the way by invoking play and connecting with Pachamama.
This journey is constantly seeing me re-frame what I feel it means to be a strong and powerful woman. It isn’t only to be self reliant, resilient and independent. It is also in our ability to be dependent, vulnerable, to soften rather than harden, to connect rather than disconnect, to open our hearts wider rather than armour them. It is it to remember our softness, gentleness, compassionate and kind nature are just as valuable qualities as our ability to discern, have direction, focus and achieve our goals we set. Vulnerability requires strength. To remember our innocent and pure hearts requires courage. To live from our hearts and wombs, rather than our minds and fears, is true Feminine Power.
The healing of the deep wound of the Feminine is also illuminating parts of my journey that I had felt I had done deep healing work on. Journeying through the underworld I have been being triggered re-living the trauma response within my body of experiences that have happened in my life within my Womb and sexuality. This is the core part of this Spiral for me - for our trauma imprints to heal, we must strengthen our connection with our body, this is the way that our body heals.
Every feeling I must welcome.
My body has to lead.
I can not run or avoid this anymore.
I must face myself – and all of this.
I will do this for me, my sisters, mothers, grandmothers. But, I will also do this for my brothers.
And, you know what? It feels damn scary at time to feel this all so incredibly deeply, because the enormity of the pain feels larger than the experiences I have felt within this lifetime alone – I am tapping into something much greater, that almost feels like it will destroy and take over me. But sometimes that is what has to happen within ourselves, in order for us to embody a whole new blueprint. An entire re-ordering and integration of our Mind, Body and Soul. Destruction, births the new.
How much do you trust your body to lead?
How much do you trust your body’s intuition?
How connected are you with your body?
If you think this healing spiral is just a one session quick fix, this has not been my experience.
Healing the Wounds of Love
My body doesn’t want me to put expectations on the time frame it will take to heal this, nor to push through this process, or abort feeling the feelings that arise because I feel the timing is inconvenient. My body wants to take me through this process, so that I can open my heart wider than it has ever been open before – so that I can live the life I came here to live and not settle for any less than this.
The path to Love, is to feel and heal all the Wounds of Love – betrayal, judgment, abandonment, denial and separation.
I honour each and every woman, who is healing the deep Feminine wound and remembering what it means to be a Sovereign being. As we dip our toes in and out of the uncomfortable places within ourselves, I learn I don’t always get it right. Sometimes I feel I am opening more to Love, only to realise there’s unconscious defence and protective mechanisms playing in the background. When this happens – we have to practice non-judgment towards ourselves and others. We have to be kind, gentle, loving and nurturing on this path. This is deep work.
Healing the deep Feminine wound, making this descent, following the path of the heart and Love, requires courage, trust, surrender and willingness to see our innocence every step of the way.