Deep Wound of the Feminine
At the end of 2018 I finished within a role that I had been in for 7 years in the entrepreneur world, to step fully into my calling as a medicine woman, writer and speaker. This year, I am publishing my book Mental Health Warrior, launching workshops around Australia and also launching my first 9 month course which is the first of it's kind to be released in the WORLD.. more on that later.
I enter this new year with a sense that ... there's no better time than TODAY to start choosing to create the life that will light us up...
We each have a unique calling, that we are here to dream into being... We are each experiencing an array of different events throughout our life, which are all shaping us to be more of ourselves. My mentor this PAST week shared with me... "the times of being in monasteries and meditating on top of the hill are OVER. Now is the time for each of us to move in the direction of what SCRATCHES US and what makes us uncomfortable, because this is where true growth lies"... that may look like being in different types of social settings, standing up and doing that speaking gig, putting ourselves out of our comfort zones, booking that overseas trip, moving cities, starting that business idea, doing that ONE thing that makes us a little uneasy and stretches us... this is the direction we all need to go now, to meet that edge, that edge that scratches us and ultimately, embrace the discomfort we feel when we step out of our comfort zone.
So, before I dive into this week's Willow Whisper...
NAME AND COMMIT TO ONE WAY IN WHICH YOU CAN MEET YOUR EDGE THIS WEEK. WRITE THIS ON A POST-IT AND PLACE IT ON YOUR MIRROR OR ADD IT TO YOUR NOTES IN YOUR PHONE NOW. COMMIT TO GROWTH IN 2019 & MAKE IT FUN ALONG THE WAY!
Today I am shedding light on the Deep Wound of the Feminine as an introduction to inspire those of you who may be feeling the call of the Sacred Feminine at this time to gain more awareness of this archetypal quest you may be on now, or wish to consciously embark on. For those of you who are super intrigued by this blog, then I have some juicy online and in-person immersions I am about to share with you SOON, so you can immerse in the Feminine mysteries and unlock your Shakti codes this year.
This is a truly special and significant period we are living within. Do you feel this within your bones beauties and warriors? Well if you do, you are damn right about it. Because we each have an important quest at this time, and today I am sharing more about the one women have at this time, which is to fully embrace their Feminine nature and potential, and to heal the deep wound of the Feminine – this is the path of the Heroine.
Embracing being Wombman
Deep within the inevitable descent to the underworld on this journey, we meet the dark Feminine, to heal the deep Feminine Wound. The Heroine’s journey, is an archetypal process of the integration of the Masculine skills we have learnt through our journey as we previously tried to seek success in a male-orientated work world, that cycles back to meet with the redefinition and validation of the Feminine values within ourselves.
In 2018 I was guided to books, research and healers, that showed me how I had been conditioned to be a ‘Fathers Daughter’ in our society. This is a term coined by Maureen Murdoch who has supported thousands of clients with the Heroine’s quest. She describes a Father’s Daughter as ‘a woman who has identified primarily with the father, often rejecting the mother, and who has sought attention and approval from the father and masculine values’.
Also during this time I completed my 9 month Womb Awakening Apprenticeship and it took me on an inward spiral journey, Womb remembrance, and deeper connection with my body, heart and womb that showed me just how deep this wound of the Feminine runs. It was through this process, that I experienced the deepest and most profound healing I'd ever experienced in my life. It was within this process, that I became in touch with the often unspoken link that occurs between mental illness and sexual abuse and one that I have experienced myself, I became in touch with the multi layers of disassociation that were present within my body, began releasing the armour built up around my yoni and sexual organs from trauma that left me unable to create fulfilling relationships, attract my soul mate or feel a deep sense of pleasure and for the first time in my life began to experience life here IN my body rather than UP AND OUT.
This process of going inwards and connecting deeply with my Womb was the most confronting process I had ever been through, because it took me directly into seeing the way in which my entire identity had been influenced by Patriarchal values. I saw how for so long I had been living life as a woman that was trying to be a man... I ditched nurturing myself, taking care of my own body and valuing qualities such as softness and surrender... and instead focused on trying to make an image for myself, create status, receive power, always be focused on what I wanted to DO next and make a difference in the world to attain a sense of worthiness for myself... but the fact is, the world DOES NOT need any woman in this world to be a man in this world. Our generation is so busy trying to prove that women can do everything that men can, that we are using the unique qualities that set us apart. The God-given femininity and unique way that we were designed... we were designed in this way to do everything a man can't. One is not better than the other, we are each complimentary forces of nature.
Our world needs women embodying the very essence of their nature that makes them unique to men... to take it one step further, our world needs leaders right now who are balanced within the polarities of their Feminine and Masculine nature... or like Martin Luther King Jnr said "We need leaders not in love with money, but in love with justice... Not in love with publicity, but in love with humanity".
Our children's lives and planet's health are in the hands of this new type of leader being embodied now...
A Father's Daughter
Since I was a little girl I have always been eager to get things done quick, to fast track, to move through, push through, and do as much as I can. At the age of 19 years old I took over my family's property development business, and from there worked endlessly to grow it by 1600%, as well as contribute to multiple charity projects and be on multiple boards and advisory committees. My days were fuelled by the cortisol injection of trying to achieve as much as I could in as little time as I could, without much care for the effect it would have on my body. In fact, if you ask my parents, they share how I shot out of my mum’s Womb in rocket speed, and well that was the pace of the rest of my life from that moment on…
I thought I had ‘made it’ in the world, feeling satisfied in so many ways as I pursued a career as an award-winning entrepreneur, building a community that provided a sense of belonging in Australia, that in so many ways was lighting me up. Except then something changed, my body began to tell me a different story last year - adrenal fatigue, insomnia, parasites, kidney stones, viruses, chronic Lymes disease and other sorts of physical ailments came to my attention in 2018, that left me unable to keep my eyes open for a full day. There were days I was bed ridden, and left shocked trying to comprehend how the woman who used to work 12+ hours a day 6 days a week, managing multiple projects, charities and boards, was finding it difficult to even find the concentration to send emails over a couple of hours at the youthful age of 25 years old. What was going on? But that right there... that is the result of becoming out of harmony with one's inner Feminine rhythms and nature. My body was finally showing me the warning signs that I could no longer live my life out of rhythm with my true, authentic nature.
When I thought I had 'made it', like ticking the boxes of what I thought it meant to be successful in this world... such as a high paying career, owner of multiple investment properties, a sexy car, feeling confident in my lady boss business suit and all that... I wasn't taking care of myself, I didn't have loads of fulfilling relationships outside of my business social circles, I didn't have time in my day to connect with a potential intimate partner and felt empty regardless of all of the accolades and achievements being achieved. I was left completely disconnected to my Feminine nature and only gave my body more and more demands, insisting it would sustain a high performance output whilst being under insane levels of stress I was putting it through. It was when I connected with the deep wound of the Feminine through this period, that I began to see my entire life with a new set of eyes, including questioning everything about my own identity. I realised I had created a life, that was not true and authentic to who I truly was at all...
My striving for success, recognition and validation was set on pleasing my internalised Father. I learned how to be successful according to a Masculine model. I soon realised in order for my health and vitality to be restored, that I could no longer play by these Patriarchal rules anymore. My definition of a life well lived began to shift. That definition instead began to be measured by how much I lived with an open heart embodying my true authentic selfmoment to moment, acting on the courage it takes to be in service in the way I am called to be and to have shared my open heart, beauty and light with as many people as I could by being completely present with them. A life well lived began to mean more about how content I was within my heart and in rhythm with my body's needs.
How do you define a well-lived life? How in alignment is your current life with this definition?
How much are you listening to your hearts intuitive pull and opening wide right now in your life?
Do you feel inspired, nourished and full of joy and happiness from the way in which you have created your life so far? What is one commitment you could make today to bring in more joy and happiness into your life?
The spiral of healing the deep wound of the Feminine was completely different than anything I’ve ever experienced before. In my experience, the healing that it asks to take place, is a call for our body to heal, which we can not think our way into or out of in terms of what is being brought up for healing. There’s no mental strategy we can apply. It is not a quick fix, it is not something we can dismiss, we can not run away from it and our only choice is to move into it and feel our way through it. We must completely surrender over to the process, and know that it is an initiatory experience, one that will take us into a deeper level of embodiment of our true and authentic selves, and a quest that we would not be invited into, unless we were ready for.
Descending to the Underworld...
A key part of this journey, is becoming familiar and willing to embrace the discomfort of the descent to the 'Underworld'. Some of you may already be familiar with this place... it can be frightening when we do not have the support or guidance around us to navigate through. We need a safe container to be able to support us in loving presence to heal what becomes presented to us when we make this descent.
Maureen Murdoch so articulately describes this as ‘involving a seemingly endless period of wandering, grief and rage, of dethroning kings, of looking for the lost pieces of herself and meeting the dark Feminine. It may take weeks, months or years, and for many it may involve a time of voluntary isolation – a period of darkness and silence and of learning the art of deeply listening once again to self: of being instead of doing. The outer world may see this as a depression and a period of stasis. Family, friends and work associates improre our heroine to ‘get on with it’.
Maureen speaks about how the descent cannot be hurried because it is a Sacred journey, one of not only reclaiming the lost parts of oneself, but also of rediscovering the lost Soul of the culture – reclaiming the Goddess or Divine Feminine. I found it comforting to hear Maureen describe this part of her own journey, she described it as…
“This is unchartered territory. It’s dark, moist, bloody and lonely. I see no allies, no comfort, no signs out. I feel scraped, open and raw. I look for the disembered parts of myself – something recognisable – but there are only fragments and I don’t know how to put them together. This is unlike any struggle ive had before. It’s not the conquest of the other, its coming face to face with myself. I walk naked looking for the Mother. Looking to reclaim the parts of myself that have not seen the light of day. They must be here in the darkness. They wait for me to find them because they no longer trust. I have disowned them before. they are my treasured but I have to dig for them. This journey is not about some fairy Godmother showing me the way out. I dig… for patience, for the courage to endure the dark, for the perseverance not to rise to the light prematurely, cutting short my meeting with the Mother”.
To go through this process, we have to give ourselves permission to fall apart, be de-constructed and unravelled completely by the experience, to allow for every way in which we saw the world, who we were and our place and contribution in the world to be completely dismantled and then put back together again. This is a learning process of how to build a container for ourselves and what we move through, so that we can hold all the pieces that are dismantling and coming back together in new ways.
As I went through these spirals, at times I was caught up in the thinking I need to always have it together, to fit idealistic constructs of what living here on this planet meant, but I soon realised many of those ideals of what it means to live here on this planet, weren't truly authentic to me at all, so I soon had to let all of that go and begin re-discovering what was authentic to me in terms of what fulfilled me and the new life I wished to create for myself.
This has lead me into seeing that our healing journey, purpose, the way we live our life, how we choose to be in conscious relationship, raise a family, and operate day to day will be different for each and every one of us. The restricting, and often unspoken set of norms around what that looks like... or is and isn’t the norm with this... what is right and wrong... good and bad... can be quiet debilitating - the truth though, is that there is no right or wrong, only our own truth around this. When we give ourselves the permission to not be a part of that – to instead follow the silent pull of where our heart is wishing to take us, then we are truly free - for me this is true freedom - when we are brave and courageous enough to create a life that enables us to embody our true and authentic selves.
What's your definition of freedom?
This has taught me...
I will receive little recognition and less applause from the outer world for taking that inner journey as the questions that journey asks me to make around life values, makes those who are committed to the quest of outer trappings of success uncomfortable.
That it is important to give myself permission to fall apart, rather than avoid feeling what is here and trying to always pull myself always together, or emerge into the light when the Mother wants to take me on this great descent.
I reminded myself I won't always meet deadlines or goals I set, and that everything will always happen within the Divine time and to see this is all more lightheartedly.
I reminded myself that I can trust my body to lead, to trust the Mother’s process she takes me each time in the descent to the underworld t and that Spiritual assistance will always be provided.
I reminded myself that I am enough and worthy of love, even when I feel 'fragile and my weakest’ and to find comfort, joy and rituals to celebrate these inner rhythms along the way by invoking play and connecting with Pachamama.
This Heroine Journey is constantly seeing me re-frame what I feel it means to be a strong and powerful woman. It isn’t only to be self reliant, resilient and independent. It is also in our ability to be dependent, vulnerable, to soften rather than harden, to connect rather than disconnect, to open our hearts wider rather than armour them, to be nurturing towards ourselves and others, to learn totrust, surrender and let go, and to be able to receive the love, support and strength from others around us. It has me remember that our softness, gentleness, compassionate and kind nature are just as valuable qualities as our ability to discern, have direction, focus and achieve our goals we set. Vulnerability requires strength. To remember our innocent and pure heartsrequires courage. To live from our hearts and Wombs, rather than our mind and fears, is true Feminine Power.
The healing of the deep wound of the Feminine also illuminated parts of my journey that I had felt I had done deep healing work on, it took me into a deeper spiral within these areas. By connecting with my Womb, I came in touch with mine and my ancestors traumas that were stored in my Womb... and began to be able to heal this... and by healing this, began healing this for all women... because for our trauma imprints to heal, we must strengthen our connection with our body, this is the way that our body heals.
Every feeling I had to welcome in.
My body was to lead.
I could not run or avoid this anymore.
I was being invited to face myself – and all of this.
I chose to do this for me, my sisters, mothers, grandmothers. But, I also did this for my brothers.
And, you know what? It feels damn scary at times to have gone through that process, and to feel so deeply, and to still feel so deeply as I move through spirals of healing along the Heroine's Journey, because the enormity of the pain can feel larger than the experiences I have felt within this lifetime alone – this is when we are tapping into something much greater for the collective. It has felt at times like the healing would 'destroy me' and everything I knew.. yet sometimes that is what has to happen within ourselves, in order for us to embody a whole new blueprint.. an entire re-ordering of who we are occurs, completely destructing who we have been, so we let go of who we thought we should be and can instead be who we are.. Destruction, births the new.
How much do you trust your body to lead?
How much do you trust your body’s intuition?
How connected are you with your body?
If you think this healing spiral is just a one session quick fix, this has not been my experience. Healing is not unicorns and fairy dust... healing is going into the pain, terror, hurt and scared places within ourselves at times, and being willing to face, feel and heal these places within ourselves so that we can embody and feel more joy, happiness and contentment within ourselves. So we can truly feel free within our bodies to be our true, authentic selves and soak the nectar of this experience here.
The Path of Love
My body didn't want me to put expectations on the time frame it would take to heal this, nor to push through this process, or abort feeling the feelings that arise because I feel the timing is inconvenient. My body wanted to take me through this process, so that I could open my heart wider than it has ever been open before – so that I could live the life I came here to live and not settle for any less than this. This is the path of Love... it is to feel and heal all the Wounds of Love – betrayal, judgment, abandonment, denial and separation.
I honour each and every woman, who is healing the deep Feminine wound and remembering what it means to be a Sovereign being. As we dip our toes in and out of the uncomfortable places within ourselves, I learn I don’t always get it right. Sometimes I feel I am opening more to Love, only to realise there’s unconscious defence and protective mechanisms playing in the background. When this happens – we have to practice non-judgment towards ourselves and others. We have to be kind, gentle, loving and nurturing on this path. This is deep, Sacred and important work.
Healing the deep wound of the Feminine, making the descent to the underworld and following the path of Love, requires courage, trust, surrender and a willingness to see our innocence every step of the way as we embrace our shadow along the way.